Saturday, December 31, 2005

The NEW year...

Every year this happens and sometimes I think it's really a new beginning, this year, I know it is and I am going to make it a new beginning for me. So many things are new now, so many things up in the air, in my hands, so much more clarity, strength, commitment and excitement.

This is my only chance at life, I must take full advantage of it. I don't have time for being so sad and holding my self back on all that I want to do. I have had so many ideas that have just sat in my heart and not gone anywhere except maybe to my pen or lips. But it's time for things to move. For me to challenge myself, give myself the opportunity to do something besides dream and worry. And if some things don’t work as planned, so what, shit happens. Other things will happen, I can only shine if I try and if I fall, I will learn from it. We all fall and we must always be learning.

This year will be an incredible year, I will push myself like I never have before. I will make goals for myself that I will carry through on. I know myself, my follow-thru is bad. I don’t have time to make that mistake anymore, I don’t want to make those mistakes. I have learned how better to focus and I will get even better at that. I have met amazing people who are crucial to my growth and survival, I will call on you for the support that you can give through friendship. And let us not forget that part of friendship is accountability. That I am accountable to you to be the best that I can be, and if I am not doing that, if I am failing myself, you or the world, I must be called out on that. We are here together to grow together, please help me grow. And I will get better at asking my self the questions that I need to answer. I will answer them through tears, poetry, laughter, art, I will stretch and I will grow. I am ready to be more than I am and more than I have given my self the credit and opportunity to be.

Honesty is key, honesty about my pain, faults and good qualities are crucial to my healing and growing. I have my beautiful veteran friends to thank most for this, but everyone has helped me in learning this.

I am sending this to you as a thanks for all that you have given me since I met you. Some of you I have known for years, some only months, some for “work” and some only play. But each of you have given me a piece of you and I will treasure it inside me always. Let this new year be a time for reflection and commitment to your self, to the person you want to be and to the re-birth of that beautiful being.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you, for your insight and love in this process as we all move forward with time. You can keep up with me on my blog or livejournal as I WILL be updating it weekly, that is promise number one.

Thank you for your hearts
Thank you Mother Earth for life and love
I love you
as always… 989-621-1934

Monday, December 19, 2005

i'm at "home" in michigan. I'm feeling really frustrated, and this happens to me every time. I'm bored, but i know i need time to relax and not work and play with my nieces and talk to my mommy and write and read and see my friends. gotta go, my question is, how do you deal with being so frustrated and hurt and offended by the people you love and the place you are in and make the best of it?